#10 beepbopbooboop
On a recent weekend afternoon, my friends and I met up at a Korean rice wine brewery in Brooklyn. We ordered a couple of snacks, but due to the combination of an empty stomach and not having drunk alcohol in over a year, I got pretty inebriated from the tasting flight alone. So afterwards, we wandered to a park alongside the East River and laid in a knotted patch of grass under a young tree. It was probably the best nap I’d had in a long time, and was followed by sushi and a soju-drenched night in k-town. I stopped drinking because my stomach has gotten sensitive, and to be honest, I’m not really sure why I indulged on that night only. I guess it’s just summer, I’m between jobs, and I wanted to have some fun.
Work
I’m considering cutting this section from my blog. Work just isn’t as interesting for me to write about (shocking?). What was 20-year old me thinking when establishing this work/life/play format, making work equivalent to my life? lol. Work is definitely important and it makes me money, but I don’t need to write a whole section on it every time. I go to work 5 days a week already. I’ll probably keep it as an occasional section for when I actually have something published that I feel super proud of, or I have a work-related announcement.
Life
A couple of brief updates:
I’m hoping to move to NYC within the next couple of months! I’m not completely sure yet (most of the jobs I’m interested in are remote or NY-based though) but I’m excited for the move, although I miss Chicago and Illinois already.
I’ve gotten into 16mm film photography a bit. Here’s a photo from my first roll :) I’m looking to buy a 35mm camera eventually, but have been waiting for just the right model and deal.
In addition:
I’ve become hesitant to write on this blog, and that’s why it’s taken me so long to think of what to say in my tenth post. I started it as a strange mix of professional and personal, and I don’t like how those lines have blurred (so I’m glad to be rid of the Work section). I also love writing and reflecting for an audience, but I get uneasy at the thought of people actually reading things I say, because I feel almost embarrassed to write about myself, and I’m also shy and deeply afraid of people judging the quality and content of my work. It’s a strange and queasy medium to exist in: I want to share parts of myself and yet I’m terrified of being perceived.
On top of that, I’ve been in a relationship with a woman for over a year now, and I’ve really hated having to actively hide being bisexual from family and family friends, especially with constant legislative changes on queer identity in recent months. I am normally a very open person, and as a result I suddenly felt like a burden to myself and the people around me.
But I’m out to my parents now, and they’ve accepted me and told some of their friends. I feel relieved and grateful, but I guess that feeling doesn’t really go away overnight in terms of self-perception and sharing with others.
If you combine all of those reasons with being in a pandemic and not going out as much, hopefully that gives more context to my silence. But I’m slowly coming back to life and feeling more expressive and energetic lately, for whatever reason.
Play
A movie constantly on my mind these days is The Worst Person in the World (2021). I’m not sure how to describe the genre of this movie, maybe surrealist slice-of-life rom-com? But it was incredible and I cried for 20 minutes in my car afterwards. It has stuck with me. I think it’s currently on Hulu. 4.5/5
The two books I’ve read this year are A Little Life by Hanya Yanagihara and The Song of Achilles by Madeleine Miller. They were both very gay and tragic and I only recommend if you want to be SAD : (
Should I start streaming video games on Twitch…? I’m not that good at games, but maybe it would be fun?
This song: